Uitspraken

Wernher von Braun
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Lulo's Law:
Liefde is eeuwig, alleen de partners veranderen.

Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Dave Barry:
Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs and large quantities of little fish staring at you with buggy little eyes. So generally when two fish want to have sex, they swim around and around for hours, looking for someplace to go, until finally the female gets really tired and has a terrible headache, and she just dumps her eggs right on the sand and swims away. Then the male, driven by some timeless, noble instinct for survival, eats the eggs. So the truth is that fish don't reproduce at all, but there are so many of them that it doesn't make any difference. -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"

Dave Barry, "The Snake"
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to measure, then we picked up the amplifier and backed up to my bedroom door. Then we rushed forward, shouting "The WHO! The WHO!" and we launched my amplifier perfectly, as though we had been doing it all our lives, clean through the window and down onto the sidewalk, where a small but appreciative crowd had gathered. I would like to be able to say that this was a symbolic act, an effort on my part to break cleanly away from one state in my life and move on to another, but the truth is, Cooper and I really just wanted to find out what it would sound like. It sounded OK.

Eline Heermans
SMS van 08/01/2011 17:25: "Ik heb btw geen voordeur. Dus bel je f ? X"
SMS van 30/12/2017 09:24: "Weet iemand waar mijn auto is?"

HP

Do not answer to this mail, incoming messages are deleted by the system, without being read.

HP strictly prohibits employees or any other person from possessing weapons of any kind in an HP workplace. This includes any property owned, leased or occupied by HP. Unless such prohibited is contrary to local law, this specificially includes HP parking areas. The prohibition also specificially includes weapons of any type for which the person has a permitand/or a permit to carry as a concealed weapon. Examples of prohibited weapons include, but are not limited to, guns, knives, bows and arrows, and similar devices that by their design or intended use are capable of inflicting serious bodily injury or lethal force.

Dolly Parton:
Je moest eens weten hoeveel geld het kost om er zo goedkoop uit te zien als ik!

Gerrij Stuut:
We hebben toendertijd alles gedaan wat iemand kan bedenken, maar dat had geen resultaat.

Henrik Tikkanen
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.

Pohl's Law
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.

MAFIA
[Acronym for Mechanized Applications in Forced Insurance Accounting.]
An extensive network with many on-line and offshore subsystems running under OS, DOS, and IOS. MAFIA documentation is rather scanty, and the MAFIA sales office exhibits that testy reluctance to bona fide inquiries which is the hallmark of so many DP operations. From the little that has seeped out, it would appear that MAFIA operates under a non-standard protocol, OMERTA, a tight-lipped variant of SNA, in which extended handshakes also perform complex security functions. The known timesharing aspects of MAFIA point to a more than usually autocratic operating system. Screen prompts carry an imperative, nonrefusable weighting (most menus offer simple YES/YES options, defaulting to YES) that precludes indifference or delay. Uniquely, all editing under MAFIA is performed centrally, using a powerful rubout feature capable of erasing files, filors, filees, and entire nodal aggravations.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

Marvin Kitman
If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?

Mohamed El B.
Rolvo, wie is dat eigenlijk?

H.L. Mencken's Law

Those who can -- do.

Those who can't -- teach.

Martin's extension:

Those who cannot teach -- administrate.

Parker's Law
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone

The lesser-known programming language #10: SIMPLE

SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language Environment. This language, developed at the Hanover College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN, END and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.

Snatch
Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?
Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.

Anonymous:

It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Wij zijn goed bezig!

I spend most of my pay on stereo gear, a fast car, women and beer...I just waste the rest.

Linux is like tepee: No Windows, no Gates, and apache inside.

Machine-Independent, adj.: Does not run on any existing machine.

Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.
Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.

Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.

Tell me and I will forget, show me and I may not remember, involve me and I will understand.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this article.)

Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy.

Yoda
When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hm?

Mon Mothma
Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

Darth Vader:
Luke... Help me take this mask off.
Do they have a code clearance?

Admiral Piett:
It's an older code, sir, but it checks out. I was about to clear them.

Asta Nielsen
Greta Garbo is absoluut talentloos

Greta Garbo
Nielsen leerde mij alles wat ik weet

Een gymnasiaste uit Epe
had het voldtooid deelwoord niet begrepe
Ze zei na de daad
met haar mond nog vol zaad
Heb ik nou gepijpt of gepepe

Domme Zaandammer op straat tegen een vriend
Ik heb nu een internetsnelheid van 10..... eehhhh..... MegaDinges..... nouja, van 10 dus.

Kogelvis op de Gedempte Gracht in Zaandam
Hey, mag je hier fietsen?

Kogelvis @ Ebbehout
Fijne avond!

Startbaan Jargon
Postkamergestalte
Vogelstrontkap

Serocki's Stricture
Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.

Stories

Managers, techneuten en hete lucht. De verdwaalde man in een luchtballon.

Maker's Schedule and Manager's Schedule

We hebben een ei

Waarom zinken boten niet terwijl ze heel zwaar zijn

Links

Schedule of makers and managers